Book Review: Poser

Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses by Claire Dederer

Part memoir, part meditation, Poser is the witty and moving tale of one woman's journey through marriage and motherhood, distilled through the prism of yoga. Faced with the hyper-political correctness of her ultra-hip late-90's "liberal enclave" neighborhood in North Seattle (a place where "people don't have BEWARE OF DOG signs...they have PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF DOG" signs), Claire Dederer pursues yuppie virtue with a vengeance: breast-feeding, cooking organic meals from scratch, eschewing plastic toys, volunteering at the childcare co-op, working full-time, and arranging date nights with her husband. Physically and emotionally burnt out, Claire turns to the practice of yoga, a practice she begins with vague notions about stress relief, but which becomes increasingly a therapeutic refuge from that idealized version of womanhood to which she had so desperately aspired. 

Each chapter of the book is anchored by a yoga pose, the asana providing a metaphor for her musings on a particular aspect of her life (Child's Pose for recalling salient pieces of her own childhood and so on). Through yoga, Claire eventually comes to better understand both her own neuroses and the sub-cultural forces that had whipped her and an entire generation of her peers into the frenzied pursuit of perfection.

Some critics have compared Poser to Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love, but aside from the obvious parallels of being female autobiographies that employ yoga-as-metaphor-for-life to varying degrees, the two are, in fact, very different stories. While Gilbert finds salve in the external--her travels illuminating key revelations about herself and her failed marriage--Claire ultimately rejects the trappings of the external world, instead turning inward to discover that the "reality" she'd unquestioningly accepted her whole life is, in fact, an illusion.

Yogis especially will appreciate Claire's encounters with the various styles of yoga (vinyasa, restorative, etc.), with humorously observed descriptions of each, but non-yogis will just as strongly relate to the universality of Claire's journey. In fact, a large part of the book's appeal was in recognizing pieces of myself in Claire and the ensuring catharsis of commiserating with her anxieties (many of which mirror my own) and then laughing with her (and by extension, at myself) as she so aptly dissects those same worries and fears.

Bottom line? Poser is an engaging reminder of the counterintuitive beauty that happens when we stop trying to be good--at yoga or in life--and instead allow ourselves to just be.

Have any of you read it?  If so, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Reverb10 catch-up

I'm trying my hardest to stay current with my Reverb posts, but I've slipped in the past couple of days.  In the spirit of not making excuses for myself (see #10 below), I'll be honest and say that I'm finding it difficult to post on a daily basis because of the time and energy it requires.  (While Reverb participants certainly don't have to answer every prompt, I wanted to challenge myself by trying.)

December 11 Prompt: Things 

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1.  Clutter.  I love clean, open spaces and clear surfaces, so clutter drives me crazy.  This year, 

I need to pare down the amount of unneeded, unwanted stuff that I have.

2.  Distractions.  TV and mindless internet surfing are two of my biggest.  These things are fine in moderation, but I find that living with intention requires cutting down on "background noise" and listening to what's real. 

3.  Mindless consumerism.  For reasons of the wallet and the soul, I'd like to spend more mindfully in 2011.  

4.  Feeling guilty about saying "no."  To requests for favors, social obligations, and other demands on my time and energy.  I struggle with being able to prioritize and assert my own needs, but I'm getting better at it.  It's an ongoing process.

5. Comparisons.  I tend to compare my own life to others' lives and feel jealous of those who "have it all, " even though I realize it's impossible to really know what someone else's life is like.  In 2011, I'd like to replace comparison with compassion.  Compassion for myself and for the challenges that others undoubtedly face, even if their lives seem perfect on the surface.

6.  Self-doubt and negative thinking.  Replacing them with self-confidence and positive thinking in 2011.  

7.  Obsessing over my to-do list.  Being organized is good.  Scheduling an unrealistic number of tasks in my planner and then beating myself up when I inevitably fail to get everything done?  Not so much.  

8.  Wishing.  "I wish my living room were decorated differently..."  "I wish I had more time to paint and draw..."  Usually the things I "wish" for are within my control, and I would be better served by calling myself to action.

9. Biting my tongue.  When I find a joke or statement to be offensive and/or bigoted.  When I want to stick up for a cause or issue I believe in.  When I witness rudeness, unfairness, or general jerkiness.  There's certainly virtue in keeping the peace, but I tend to veer too far in the opposite direction for fear of being judged, and then later wish I'd stuck up for myself and/or my viewpoint.  (See #8.)

10.  Excuses.  My own and others'.  In 2011, I'd like to stop making excuses and just be honest with myself about the issue at hand.  And while I can't control whether others' make excuses, I can be more assertive about my expectations and then hold them accountable in an authentic, compassionate way. 

11.  Lack of follow-through.  I tend to get big, exciting ideas and then quickly abandon them because, honestly?  Details sort of bum me out.  I have the capacity and intelligence to deal with the details...I just find them boring.  My challenge is to realize that anything worth doing is going to require some amount of mundane grunt work, and to find the excitement in the less glamorous aspects of any given project.

December 12 Prompt: Body Integration 

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body?  Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

I can't point to a specific moment, but yoga has this effect on me.  When I'm on the mat, I feel a profound integration of body, mind, and soul.  I'm a firm believer in the power of yoga, and I think it's power lies in its ability to infuse our conscious thoughts with an awareness of our body and breath, a consciousness that, in time, begins to show up in other areas of our "off the mat" lives.  To me, this is what it means to "live your yoga."  To take that feeling of cohesion - of being fully alive and present - and to bring that same awareness to our everyday lives.  

"The way you move is the way you live."

This morning:

Waking slowly to a misty, overcast sky.  
A warming bowl of organic rolled oats with a drizzle of agave and maple almond butter stirred in.
A mug of green tea (my current favorite, genmaicha, sweet with the flavor of roasted brown rice).
Planning the week's menu, highlighted by a wholesome, soul-comforting autumn-themed meal of herbed quinoa, red cabbage slaw, and apple-ginger crisp.
Nearly two hours of heart-opening vinyasa flow.
The way you move is the way you live, the instructor says.  Do you fling your limbs wildly through your practice, hurdling ahead to whatever's next?  Or do you move your limbs with intention, taking time to enjoy the sensation of movement itself?
Post-savasana, stepping outside to find the fog has dissipated, replaced by a bright and clear sky.
Taking the dog for a long walk, and noticing how she pauses to savor the breeze against her face and how she takes in the sights and smells that we humans bypass without a thought.
Settling into a hot bath, the steaming water scented with clary sage and lavender.  Skipping the usual reading during the bath routine, and instead, taking time to just breathe the fragrant air.

The way you move is the way you live.  My intention for today is to move mindfully, to live on purpose.

Discomfort...and what Yin Yoga can teach us about embracing it

As I mentioned last week, I recently discovered a great Yin Yoga class.  I've attended this class twice in the past two weeks.  Both times, I've left class feeling not only incredibly relaxed but also profoundly aware of my relationship to discomfort.  Specifically: all the ways I resist it, and the strange and wonderful things that happen when I stop doing so.

But let me back up a couple of steps.

Yin Yoga, as you may know, is a style of yoga in which you hold each asana for prolonged periods of time, usually 3-5 minutes.  As you first enter a given pose, there can be pretty significant discomfort, especially in the hips and lower back area, parts of the body where we - women, especially - carry emotional tension.  During the first minute of the pose, the discomfort intensifies, as the muscle resists pushing past what the mind perceives to be its limit.

However, if you can breathe through that discomfort, something unexpected happens around the 1-minute mark.  The muscle actually relaxes, releasing its tension, which allows you to access the deep connective tissues and to stretch beyond what first seemed possible.  Practiced regularly, Yin can increase your range of motion, protect against injury, and help keep the body healthy and young.

What I find so moving about Yin is that it echoes so perfectly the way we deal with discomfort off the mat.  When faced with challenging emotions, our impulse is to resist.  We tense up at the first sign of potential pain, attempting to protect ourselves against feelings we don't believe we are strong enough to survive.  Our mind has us utterly convinced that we simply cannot bear to actually experience the pain, to the extent that this belief seems like reality.

It is at this point that many of us "numb out" in a desperate bid to distract ourselves from having to feel at all.  (We turn to food, shopping, TV, partying, etc.  And to clarify, I don't believe these things are inherently bad; it's when we use them as an  that we get into trouble.)  But as with Yin, the great paradox is that it's only when we are able to embrace the discomfort - to be with it - that the tension releases, and we are able to relax into ourselves, and - engage more fully with our lives.

As I mentioned, I've been meditating on this point during these past couple of weeks.  It is, of course, an ongoing practice (as with yoga, and as with all things).  We will always feel discomfort, and we will always resist it.  It's not realistic to expect ourselves to suddenly embrace our discomforts, left and right.  But maybe if we can at least be aware - at least nod in recognition, call it by its name - we wouldn't resist it quite so much. 

We might even get a little bit, well...comfortable.

Happy Yoga

This past weekend, I finished reading Happy Yoga by Steve Ross.

I was initially drawn to this book's colorful cover, but was happy to find true substance within the stylish packaging.  From the description of Happy Yoga on Amazon:

"After studying yoga in India and traveling all over the world with traditional Vedantic masters, Steve Ross returned to his hometown of Los Angeles with a broadened point of view of what yoga could be. He was surprised to find that yoga classes at home were missing the humor, joy, and celebration that fueled his Eastern studies. Instead of expanding and enhancing the joy of being, Western yoga classes focused obsessively on correcting body positions and developing a picture-perfect physique. Determined to keep his yoga practice true to cultivating bliss and inner radiance, Ross started his own yoga studio and has created a yoga movement in Los Angeles that is, to put it simply, revolutionary.
Ross lives and teaches according to his belief that the secret to yoga is not obsessing over whether your feet are parallel or whether you can bend as far as the person on your left can, but about transcending the serious and allowing joy into your life, your body, your mind, and hopefully your yoga practice itself. It's about lightening up."

This was definitely an inspiring read about in infusing your practice - and your life - with joy and levity.  I highly recommend it to all you yogis out there!


Image via Maha Yoga.

Thoughts on hot yoga

In the spirit of revving up my exercise routine, I tried my first hot yoga class on Monday night.  (As the teacher explained, the class is called "hot" yoga, not "Bikram" yoga, because the founder of Bikram yoga, Bikram Choudhury, has taken legal action to prevent anyone from teaching yoga in a heated room and calling it "Bikram" yoga unless they are certified in his specific method.  Yikes!)

Semantics aside...it was an intense workout.  The poses and sequencing were similar to vinyasa flow (the style of yoga I practice regularly), but the room was heated to approximately 100 degrees.  For the first 30 minutes or so (it was a 90-minute class), I was feeling great and thinking to myself (in a not very yogi-like way) that the whole thing seemed like a piece of cake.  45 minutes in, I was starting to feel the burn in a big way.  I was expecting the added heat, of course, but I wasn't prepared for how much extra effort it takes to complete the poses when your body is fighting just to maintain its core temperature, much less hold Paripurna Navasana.  More than a few times, I had to take Child's Pose to find my breath and settle my heart rate. Needless to say, by the end of class I was totally wiped out, but in a hurts-so-good sort of way (similar to the sort of "runner's high" I feel after a long, hard run).

I've heard that hot yoga is a really great way to detoxify impurities from your system because you sweat so profusely - as I can personally attest!  Plus, the class left me so relaxed that I slept better than I think I have in a long time - and that's saying something because I'm a pretty sound sleeper.   I'm really glad I challenged myself to try it, and I think it'll become a regular or semi-regular addition to my yoga practice.

Have you guys tried hot or Bikram yoga?  I'd be curious to hear about your experiences!


Image via Yoga Station.

Things that are making me happy these days

Good afternoon lovelies!  How was your weekend?  It's been a little while since my last happy list, and I thought it was high time for another.  Here are some things - large and small - that have been making me happy in recent days.

• Recommitting to yoga.  Throughout this past year, my yoga practice has, unfortunately, taken a backseat to other activities and obligations.  With good intentions, I began a home practice but found it difficult to stay as disciplined and motivated as I was when I was taking classes at a studio.  So, this past weekend I joined a wonderful little studio near our home and renewed my commitment to yoga with a beautifully flowing vinyasa class.  It felt so amazing to return to the mat, stretching myself (physically and mentally) in ways that I haven't for a long time.  I felt a wave of openness and possibility wash over my heart...
• Getting married less in less than three weeks!  (Thank you all so much for your sweet comments on last week's wedding-themed posts.)
• Blooming periwinkle hydrangea plants.  Basil growing on our porch.  Tossing a Frisbee at the park.  Glowing pink and purple sunsets over the South River.  Long sunny days.  Juice from Wonji Juice Bar (current favorite is a blend of carrot + cucumber + apple +olive oil + basil + rose oil).  The gorgeously photographed Edible: A Celebration of Local Foods.  Exploring new and exciting opportunities.  Happy endorphins after an amazing workout.  Delicious dairy-free coconut milk ice cream (so decadent!).  Girls' nights.  Planning an action-packed whitewater rafting camping foray with good friends for later this summer.  Iced chai with almond milk.  My new Manduka Equa yoga towel.  Rereading The Red Book by the super inspiring Sera Beak.  Learning Italian phrases for our honeymoon.  Discovering my Style Statement (will share soon!).  Scheduling deep tissue massages with my favorite masseuse (have decided to invest in my well-being by making this a semi-regular indulgence).  Greening my work surroundings with plants.  Making my own salad dressing (currently obsessed with a mixture of tamari + toasted sesame oil + brown rice vinegar + minced shallot + fresh ginger which I drizzle over salads, veggies, tofu, etc.).  Good friends, old and new.  Champagne mangoes (.  Hand-crafted terrariums (how cool are these?!).  Dreaming of adopting a shelter dog (hopefully turning this into a reality in the not-too-distant future).  Taking the scenic route.  Good conversation.  Perusing local art exhibitions (can't wait to see the Yves Klein retrospective at the Hirshhorn).  Getting back into the groove with Artist Dates.  Mellow tunes (Bon Iver, The National, and Okkervil River are getting lots of playtime on my iPod these days).  Chunky turquoise jewelry.  Reading this blog.  And of course, all of you!

Your turn!  What are you loving right now?

xo,


Image via Planet Green.

5 Things

• I am so inspired by all of you participating in The Joy Diet series with Jamie Ridler. It sounds like such an amazing process and I am loving your posts on each chapter. You all have prompted me to order my own copy of the book, which I cannot wait to devour.
• And speaking of books, I pre-ordered a signed copy of Kimberly Wilson's new book, Tranquilista. With chapters like "Bake in Beauty" and "Decorate with Sprinkles"(love it!), this promises to be another fabulous resource from the incomparable Ms. Wilson. Who else is excited?
• My sister sent me a fascinating NYTimes article on the connection between yoga and mental clarity in the face of danger that had me glued to my computer screen. A definite must-read for yogis and non-yogis alike.
• Some très exciting news...I think we've decided where we're going on our honeymoon! We haven't finalized our plans yet so I don't want to say anything, but I will as soon as it's definite. It's a country that has long been on my list of places to visit. So. Very. Excited.
• And finally, for you design lovers out there, check out Department of the Interior, a wonderful blog I came across written by a college classmate of mine who muses about inspiration, stylish living, interior design, art, and more. Isn't it delightful?

That's about it for me right now. I hope all everyone's week is off to a good start!

Image via Martha Stewart.

True confessions of a yoga class dropout

If you know me, or read my blog, you know that yoga has become a big part of my life within the past year. This is largely due to the incredibly supportive and welcoming community of yogis I found at Studio Serenity, a vinyasa yoga studio in DC. Soon after beginning classes there last June, what began as a tentative interest quickly became a passion and then a neccessity, as vital to my life as eating and breathing. I became quite attached to the gentle, spiritual vibe of the place, as well as the challenging, yet informal teaching style. I felt especially connected to one instructor in particular, whose flowing sequences - infused with her warm, funny commentary -always seemed to be exactly what my body and mind needed.

One of the hardest things about moving to Annapolis was the realization that I would have to leave this yoga community behind since it would no longer be possible/practical to practice there.

I recently tried a yoga studio near our new place, and found myself disoriented and disappointed after the first class. I suppose this was to be expected on some level, as I had grown so attached to the style and environment of my old studio. However, it left a really bad taste in my mouth, and I don't think it's just because I was comparing it to the old one (though I'm sure that influenced my opinion). The instructor did not seem engaged with or connected to the rest of the class, but rather, seemed to be simply reciting a rote set of instructions. The sequences were totally unchallenging. Now granted, it was one of the easier class levels so I wasn't expecting anything crazy, but we spent almost the entirety of the class alternating between child's pose and sitting on our bums massaging our legs with tennis balls. Now there's a lot to be said for restorative (or yin) practice, but I do expect some kind of workout, especially when my monthly yoga membership costs more than my electric bill! The other weird part was that the other students seemed totally unengaged and were chatting, gossiping, and cracking jokes the whole time. Beyond being just...odd, the chatter totally threw off the energy in the room. There was no collective chi, which is really (in my opinion) a big part of why you would take a group class in the first place.

I don't mean to complain so much, but the whole experience really bummed me out, especially because I was so eager and excited to try a new place. The logical part of my brain told me to give it another shot (I had already paid for and committed to classes through September anyway), but my intuition told me that I should cut my losses and use it as an opportunity to start a home practice, something I've been wanting to do for awhile now.

Well, intuition won out, and I was able to get a partial refund on the rest of the classes. Very shortly after making this decision, I came across Sara's review of yoga DVDs on her blog, The Way of the Happy Woman (check it out if it's not on your radar yet!) and then, yesterday, City Girl's review of her Jade yoga mat. Inspired, I ordered two yoga DVDs (this and this) and plan to purchase a Jade mat soon. The funny part is this: I realized that the sum of these items is almost exactly the same amount (within a dollar) as the amount I was refunded for the rest of the yoga classes. I'm choosing to see this as a sign that this is the right decision for me right now.

My yoga DVDs are supposed to arrive today, but last night, I just couldn't wait any longer, so I did a sort of impromptu yoga practice on the living room floor, using a sequence I made up on the spot. It felt SO good. I'm even sore this morning (in a good way)! I was happy to find that I can lead myself through sequences and challenge myself even without the presence of an instructor. I'm so excited to try my DVDs and really get my home practice going!

All you yogis out there...do you have a home practice? Do you find it more or less difficult to practice at home versus at a studio? I am a little bit nervous about foregoing the studio experience for awhile (though I think it's the right choice for me right now for various reasons), so any words of wisdom would be mucho appreciated!

Just me and the mat

Tonight I went to a mixed Level 1/Level 2 yoga class for the first time. I was expecting that it would be a combination of 1 and 2 students, but soon after class began, it became clear that it was mostly 2 students, and some even more advanced than that. Immediately, my inner critic piped up. Just who do you think you are, trying to do yoga with all these experienced yogis? and You're such an imposter! As we moved into the first vinyasa, I felt a small twinge of panic rising in my chest, and briefly considered faking illness and leaving.

But I didn't. I stayed. I stayed in the class and I stayed with my breath. I stayed with the negative thoughts I was having, acknowledging the thoughts, but granting them neither credibility nor resistance. As I continued to breathe and work through the poses, it occurred to me that I was consciously detaching my thoughts from my reality, a concept that my favorite yoga teacher often discusses in the opening or closing meditation. I can recognize these negative thoughts, and I can stay and do the class anyway, because the thoughts are just thoughts. They're not real. The yoga is real. My breath is real. My presence in this class tonight is real. The thoughts can't touch that. It was a pretty powerful realization, and as I moved through the various poses, I felt my mind stop racing and become quiet and still. It was just me and the mat.

The funny part is, I actually did just fine. I mean, my Chaturanga wasn't as deep as some of the others, and I definitely took a not-very-graceful tumble out of Crow pose. But, overall, it really wasn't a big deal. My brain had tried to make it into a big deal, but it wasn't. By the end of class, the voice of my inner critic was a faint (and, frankly, pretty silly-sounding) echo.

I know that one of the major tenets of Buddhism is that enlightenment can be explained as the liberation from our thoughts. And, conversely, that pain is caused by the blurring of our thoughts and our reality - an inability to distinguish between what is real and what is simply a manifestation of our various thought patterns. I can't call myself a practicing Buddhist (or practicing anything, for that matter), but I think I'm beginning to witness the basic truth of this principle in my life, in a new and exciting way. I definitely witnessed it tonight, and it's something I'd like to cultivate further.

What about you? Have you had a similar experience?

Get Your Happiness On

Whole Living (the website associated with Body + Soul magazine) recently published a list of 9 Ways to be Happier. Who couldn't use a little more happiness? What a fun, inspiring list! (My comments are italicized.)

1. Learn to give.

Research has revealed a surprising fact about what we get in return when we give. In what can only be considered a blissful karmic payoff, it's more often the giver -- not the receiver -- who reaps the biggest paycheck.

If, like me, your paycheck doesn't leave you with a lot of extra dough for philanthropy, consider dedicating a few hours each week to volunteer work. Check out Idealist to find volunteer opportunities in your area.

2. Eat more avocados.

Stress depletes vitamin B6, which helps produce serotonin. Help sooth those stressed-out nerves by eating avocadoes and other B6-rich foods like fortified whole grain cereals, salmon, and chicken breast.

Guacomole is an easy and delicious way to add more avocado to your diet. Just mash up some ripe avocados with salt, a bit of chopped cilantro, some jalepenos, and a squirt of lime juice. Enjoy with your favorite tortilla chips, or spread on some whole-grain bread with swiss cheese, cucumbers, lettuce, and tomatoes for a yummy veggie sandwich.

3. Fix your career.

"Unhappy at work? Find out whether or not a quick fix -- like decorating your office -- will do, or if a career change is in order."

Easier said than done, right? Seriously though, if your job is making you miserable, it might be time to re-evaluate.

4. Do more yoga.

After an hour-long yoga session, members of a small study from the Journal of Complementary and Alternative Medicine showed a huge hurge in brain levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid, a neurotransmitter often found at low levels in people with depression.

I truly cannot say enough good things about yoga. Its benefits are too numerous to list. I dare you to try it and see the difference it can make in your life.

5. Spritz with essential oils.

Extracted from leaves, fruit peels, petals, and other plant parts, essential oils capture nature's subtle fragrances and can even balance your mood, aromatherapists say.

For sweet and restful sleep, try some lavender mist on your pillow at bedtime.

6. Stock up on strawberries.

Vitamin C-rich strawberries boost your immune system and fight brain cell damage resulting from constant exposure to cortisol (a stress hormone). But foods like guava, bell peppers, and oranges also do the trick.

Try slicing fresh, organic strawberries onto your cereal or oatmeal in the morning. Yum!

7. Learn to quickly rejuvenate.

In the rush of everyday life, you'll often find yourself racing from one event to the other, with almost no time in between. What can you do to refresh and rejuvenate in just 20 minutes? This quick routine can help you hit the reset button on body, mind, and spirit.

8. Practice mindfulness.

The practice of mindfulness (referred to as smrti in Buddhism) leads to concentration (samadhi), which in turn leads to insight (prajna). the insigh you gain from meditation can liberate you from fear, anxiety, and anger -- allowing you to be truly happy.

To get started with meditation, check out the teachings of the endlessly wise and down-to-earth Pema Chodron, a leading proponent of Tibetan Buddhism meditation techniques.

9. Add chickpeas to your diet.

Chickpeas contain folate (folic acid), which helps make dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. Other folate-friendly foods include lentils, black-eyed peas, and soybeans.

My favorite way to eat chickpeas is to make hummus, which serves as a great dip for veggies or as a spread for sandwiches. I like this recipe from Epicurious.

What suggestions would you add to the list?

Photo by JIGGS IMAGES via Flickr.